it is with great sorrow that i even write this entry...one of defeat, disappointment, and dismay. i am trying to find a way to cope without harboring lingering feelings of bitterness and resentment. how does one do this after they have been hurt by someone they love? someone who is close. someone who was trusted. someone with whom there is so much history. someone who understood me.
ive been struggling with this situation for days, dismissing it as trivial, petty. but it really goes much deeper than that. it digs into the history of our relationship, the trusted bond. ive gone back and forth on whether or not to confront the person whom i feel has wronged me, terribly. they have no idea how much their insensitivity and selfishness has hurt me. and in my search for clarity, or even an opportunity to discuss this, ive discovered that it would be futile. not because i am afraid of the reaction, but because our hearts and minds are on two different planes, and we would not arrive at an understanding.
i told myself that i would take the higher road. even this is proving to be difficult. i want to respond with grace, not just to this particular situation, but to all of it, for the sake of the relationship. so i ask, how do i keep my heart and mind pure, and still love when ive been wronged?
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so within the time that i write this, i searched online for some words of comfort and advice because, you know, at 3:30 in the morning, there isnt anyone to offer me any. ive decided to share them because it is part of the process of this entry.
Colossians 3:13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.
1Corinthians 13:4 love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Matthew 5:38 you have heard that it was said, 'eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' but I tell you, do not resist an evil person. if someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. and if someone wants to take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. if someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.
it seems to come down to forgiveness, and love. now let me go and find the steps in which i can achieve this...
