grace

feeling a bit emotional today...
looking through some photos and news reports and became overwhelmingly touched by faces and conditions in which some people live. so much suffering out there, it is difficult to comprehend. and then here i am, in my condition. a trememdous amount of sadness (or is it guilt?) comes over me, as i become fully aware that i am priviledged. but what did i do to deserve this? and even more important, what did those people do to deserve that?

these are questions i have been struggling with for some time, and although i know that i did nothing to deserve what i have, and that it is only by the grace of God that i live the life that i live, i am still besieged by a sadness i cannot explain.

the tears fall as i think of children who are living in horrid conditions, and of those who are not free to express their beliefs. all the while i live in a country where i can invariably say anything and not suffer much consequence, and have reasonable choices in the way i live.

my mind has been on tibet and the tibetans living in china and other parts of asia. my heart aches for their struggle...

and then i come back to examining my own life, my woes...and the reality of my 'condition' becomes sobering.

(some) clarity found

* face it...i can't be perfect, i never will be...get over it
* worrying alone doesn't help anything
* celebrate the small victories
* giving up is not an option
* any relationship is work, and it takes commitment
* i cannot be someone else, nor should i make it a goal to be
* stop comparing myself to others
* self-defeat is an ugly demon, and it thrives on pity
* change does not happen overnight (duh)
* failure is not a sign of defeat, but an informant on how to improve
* love not with words, but with actions (hmm, sounds familiar..)
* without trying, i'll never know if i would have succeeded
* perfectionism is dangerous
* do something about it or don't complain
* how badly do i want it??


this didn't all come at once. they're lessons i've been learning for some time now. good reminders to have around...

first entry, and the search for clarity

so, i've been reading other people's blogs for a while and have finally summoned the courage to create my own. my goal is to journal regularly, and reflect on the lessons i am (and not) learning. i believe life is a process of learning and change. and i hope to see growth in my writing, thinking, and general direction in life.

in speaking of direction, today's thought is about which direction my life is taking me. specifically, my career and personal life, and how they mesh together (if at all).

where does one even begin...?

my mom used to say: an organized room makes an organized mind, and life.
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think i'll start by cleaning and reorganizing my living space. :)