those ephemeral moments

i was driving home today reflecting on the days events. one thought led to another, and a song or melody triggered a time in my life when i was young(er) and carefree. thinking about that led me to all the subsequent events in my life, from high school times to my early twenties, to my eye opening and heartbreaking experiences in my thirties, and then up to the moment i was driving home. all of it seemed amazing and life changing in that moment. it reminded me of those flashes people get when they are near death. a bit morbid, i know, but there was not an ounce of fear or regret. rather, i felt a surge of satisfaction because i realize what a full life i have lived, and its not even half over.

basically, i was amazed at my own journey.

ive had moments like these before, but none so filled with joy and clarity. i wrote about it because i want it to be a reminder to record more moments like these. they tend to escape me before i can sit down and thoughtfully record it. hopefully, i ll be able to do this more often.

expectations of grandeur

another lesson learned.
when i love someone (dearly), it is in my nature to hold them in high regard, deeming them practically flawless. in my eyes, they become the ideal person, one that i am proud to know, to love, and even want to emulate. this may sound great and all, except that it is a dangerous thing to do. for one, no one is perfect (contrary to popular belief), and no one can live up to those kinds of expectations. everyone makes mistakes now and then, even the best of them. and to put someone on a pedestal only sets us up for disappointment at some point. sounds like common sense, right? well, not really.

not really because i have just learned this lesson now, and i think i have some common sense. you would think that after life dishes me a few bruises that i would figure it out. nope, im pretty dense. but finally, finally, my eyes have been opened.

what i failed to see until this moment, however, is my part in all this. i cant put all the blame on the other person(s), especially when i played a big role in putting them in a tough position. sure it was all in my mind, and i didnt need to tell them they were the world, but in the end, i still held high standards for them. standards they couldnt meet, whether they knew it or not. in the act of loving them, being proud of them, and admiring them, i also had unrealistic expectations of them. and they were ideals only Christ could attain. wow...no wonder they failed!

so the lesson for me is: love wholeheartedly, not expecting perfection, but the best in the person. and forgive when necessary. sounds easier said than done. like anything else, it takes practice.


side note: i wish i could have learned this lesson ten years ago. would have saved me all kinds of unnecessary grief and heartache.
eh.
live and learn.