me, a mommy? certainly not me. i had let go of this idea some years back. i told myself i would be perfectly content living a life free of large responsibilities (like children) and be able to travel as freely as i wanted. but that was not the plan in store for me.
and now, charlie is almost six months old...old. older. and im starting to panic. ive had six uninterrupted months with this little person and now its about to be disrupted by a responsibility called work...
ive been preparing my heart for this moment, for not being able to spend the happiest time of the day with her. so this week, ive been savoring these moments especially, looking at her more, cuddling with her more, kissing her more, and yes, crying a bit too.
tonight, as we waltzed in the living room listening to lullabies, she locked eyes with me for what seemed like eternity. her almond-shaped eyes looked at me in a way that seemed like she understood who i was to her. and tears began welling up in my eyes. for a while, i was overcome with sadness and i held her closer. she was growing up already. and i was losing her, even though she was securely in my embrace. i got a glimpse of her in the future, not remembering this moment we once shared.
i never thought that these would be my thoughts and emotions. if someone told me ten years ago that i would fall in love with a little baby and love being a mommy, i would have laughed. but this is my life now, and how i wish i could freeze this moment.
