one year of wisdom

thats what this past year has been. i had imagined the first year of marriage to be a bumpy ride, full of arguments and testing of each others patience. instead, it has been full of love, growth, insight, and good times. thats not to say that we didnt go through some adjustments (mostly in the beginning). but learning more about each other has been a joy, and in the process, ive gained some wisdom about selflessness. i realize how important it is that we put God as the head of our household. never have i been clearer about what it takes to make a relationship strong and lasting. hopefully in a few years, i can even give advice.

time

my grandpa turned 94 two weeks ago, and i finally got around to processing some of the photos today. my, how time has flown by. i remember as a child, i lived with my grandparents for a short time. i loved going to the market with gramps and i looked forward to our regular outings to pioneer market. after shopping for groceries, we'd pass the man who sold corn on the cob outside. that was always a special treat. with extra butter please, i would ask. then we would head home in his mint green buick. sometimes my brother would come along, but often, it was just me and grandpa.

today, he often teases me about some of the things i used to do when i was a kid. much of it i dont recall doing, but its as if i have those memories now because of him.

and in thinking about him, i also think about my aging parents. my dad and stepmom mostly. my mom, on the other hand, seems to be turning back the clock (i can only hope she has passed that on to me). they remind me of how l am also getting older, no longer feeling carefree. by no means am i complaining. it simply makes me grateful for how things have turned out, grateful for the family i once tried to escape from, and for the richness of their stories and the culture theyve passed on to me.

a lesson in communication

i come from a background where people didnt tell each other how they really felt, especially if they were angry or hurt with each other. when i was younger, i would keep emotions to myself, all the while being filled with anxiety. when there was tension in my house, i often didnt know the reason. i would guess and make my own assumptions. sometimes i was right. and if i was wrong, i never knew. and when i became upset with someone, i stayed upset thinking that eventually, they would figure out why i was upset with them. i grew up reading people and thinking others did the same.

ive been an adult for too many years now, and it never dawned on me that i could no longer use the past to justify my actions; that how i was 'trained' is no longer an acceptable excuse for my behavior. today, i try to be clear about my wishes, wants, and needs. and i try not to assume that people understand me or automatically know what i want. i also keep in mind that unless ive been told something directly, i shouldnt make an assumption about someone or a situation. learning this has been a tough road as ive had to endure much unnecessary grief.

now that im married, i learn small (and mostly painless) lessons daily, thanks to my patient, loving, and brave husband who doesnt put up with my outbursts and tells me frequently that he cannot read my mind. now i really get it that men say what they mean and mean what they say, whereas we women tend to imply or hope the other person will simply know.

...so, is this why its more difficult for women to communicate with each other? :D