the unsuccessful journey

im about to embark on another journey in a couple of months. thinking through the previous one in march gave me some perspective and inspiration to make another attempt.

i had planned to spend march in rajasthan, but things didnt quite work out the way i had hoped. many people have been asking me what happened, and i must have explained it over a dozen times. to make a very long story short, it turned out that i hadnt accounted for my mental, emotional, and spiritual state when i decided to go. much had changed since my last trip in august. and i made the mistake of planning to go to india without considering my present state of being. upon departure, i knew something was different. when i finally arrived in rajasthan, i was so uninspired that i didnt not take any photos.

theres a part of me that wished i had stuck it out, you know...persevered. but the other part was relieved to come back...and in rationalizing that, i told myself that i really didnt have anything to prove to anyone anymore, especially to myself. i guess you could say that i felt like i had something to 'prove' all this time, whether it was to myself or those around me. i simply dont have anything to prove in taking these trips alone. and i am clearer about my mental, emotional, and spritual state now...but more importantly, my purpose for going.

...its a relief to know that my major concern right now is how the weather in cambodia and laos will hold up.





oh...
i do plan to return to rajasthan at some point and give it another go. india holds a special place in my heart, but i no longer view it the same way. the next time, i will see india with new eyes.