an apology

i am sorry,
for all the times ive hurt you
because in doing so, i had hurt myself
i am sorry for all the times
i didnt understand
what you wanted me see.

...for the times i snapped at you undeservingly
for making you feel as if you had to tiptoe around me;
wary of setting off a ticking bomb.

i am sorry for being prideful,
and not saying sorry when i was at fault
for being
difficult
moody
untrusting
selfish
hurtful
for not communicating to you
what i desired, needed, hoped for...
for making you guess what i was feeling
instead of simply telling you.

i am sorry for ruining perfectly good days
with a sudden shift in temperature,
if only i had told you
that small thing that bothered me that moment.

...for not being straightforward because
i didnt have the confidence
to ask something of you,
or think i had that right
im sorry for having made you feel exhausted
in trying to figure out a way, figure me out...

im sorry for being stubborn,
when all i really wanted to do
was say i was wrong, please hold me...
instead i made you come to me.

for these things, i am really sorry.

i clearly see myself now,
for the way i have been with you,
and with others who were close to me
though i cant make excuses
or change the past,
i can change for the better...
and offer these words (though a bit delayed)
~ i am sorry.

from the bottom of my heart
thank you for the insight,
i am grateful for the opportunity to learn...
i assure you i will continue
to discover who and what i need to be(come),
and transform from all of the above.